Whatever happened to regular soap?

The other day I'm washing my hands at work when I reach for the soap but find that its not really soap. Well okay it looked like soap (I mean it was yellow and creamy looking) but there was something not right about it. The "flavor" of the soap was "Milk Protein and Honey".

What the heck? First off, I'm pretty sure don't want "milk protein" on my hands. Maybe if by hands they meant stomache then yes. Putting milk on your hands is just weird. And seriously, honey? Do they really want me to drink this stuff? (Mind you I was this close to poppin' off the pump and takin a swig of it but I thought people at work would look at me weird)

But seriously, enough is enough. Why the heck would I want my hands smellin like milk with a dash of honey. I've smelled milk before and I'm pretty sure I don't want that smell all over my hands. At first it was all good with scents such as watermellon and lavendar. I mean cmon, who doesn't love the scent of lavendar on one's hands? Plus, the ladies digg that kind of stuff. And I mean don't get me wrong, I love drinkin' milk and I do enjoy a cup of tea with honey but soap, now thats just weird.

Facebook Chat = FAILURE

So its not that I hate Facebook Chat. I thinks its a really cool and innovative way to talk with your friends in real time. The thing that irks me is that it really isn't in real time. Most of the time, Facebook Chat takes so long to send/receive messages that it would be much easier just wall post.

Today it got to the point where I couldn't even send messages anymore. I was talkin with my friend on the accursed chat application when all of a sudden it started takin forever to send my messages (to be honest, Facebook decided that one of the things I sent was important so it just didnt send it). Then all of a sudden it went crazy and sent a huge wad of text that my friend had sent. When I tried to respond it supposedly "sent". Yeah turns out though, it hadn't and after 10 minutes of waiting I refreshed the page only to find out that my huge novel that I had written had somehow disappeared. So I got pissed and got off the stupid website (but not before my friend started callin out to me like when Darth Vader yelled out "NOOOOO" for god only knows how long)

Stupid Facebook.

Terrorist Have Myspace? Oh no!...Wait is that site still around?

So I just read this article on CNN that talked about how the Marines (my bud Jamie Derr SHOTOUT) have banned social networking sites (including Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter) for a year due to fear of terrorists using these sites as portals for performing malicious attacks.

To be honest, its a pretty easy to envision this scene taking place. I can already see some Al-Qaeda terrorist sitting in some random cave in no mans land with a Compaq Presario running Windows 95 and laughing menacingly like "heh heh heh", posing as a 15 year old skater kid with spikey designer gel named Flash Johnson whose favorite band is Blink-182 and loves to "grind and ollie" while posting ridiculous status updates on Myspace (because everyone LOVES Myspace...) like "Flash Johnson is hanging ten with his broskies".

Yeah, I could definetly see this.

How do advertisers know so much about me?

So I was sitting in front of the computer just doing some typical browsing when all of a sudden I see this advertisement load on the screen. Turns out, its for a site called Shaadi.com. For those who aren't Indian (which I guess in the grand scheme of things isn't a lot of people but if you really sit down and think about it, you notice that there are a lot of Indians so yeah watch out China, we've almost caught up), it's kind of like (and by kinda I mean is most definitely like) Chemistry.com or Match.com or any of those online dating sites except this ones specifically for Indian people.

The ad itself isn't very big. Its about 10 inches long and 3 inches wide so it takes up a good amount of the screen. The tagline for the ad reads "Celebrate the joy of marriage" and then underneath it is an Indain girl in her mid twenties dressed in traditional Indian dress.

The first thing I thought when I saw this ad was, wow, if I ever have to use the internet to find a girl to marry, well then hell I ain't gettin married. Then it hit me. How the hell did Yahoo! Sports know I was Indian. I was logged into my email account but its not like when I signed up for Yahoo! Mail all those years ago, that I had checked a box for being Indian. Was the internet somehow extracting my racial information from the sites I go? I mean I guess Indian people do love Yahoo! (just like how they love Japanese cars, specifically Honda and Toyota, and BK Coffee) but I mean cmon, doesn't everyone love Yahoo!.

But I guess its not just Yahoo! thats in this game of extraction because it seems though Google is somehow in on the game as well. For all who don't know, Google I guess has merged with Blogger.com since you know have the ability to sync your Gmail account with your Blogger account. I enjoy using Blogger since its easy to use and has a nice "aura" to it. It is also very user friendly and includes a toolbar above your text box where you type your post. Well turns out, Blogger is so user friendly that next to my "Remove Formating From Selection" button (which evidently is not an eraser but oddly looks like one) is a button that allows me to type in Hindi, a language I have no idea how to speak.

Thanks Interwebz for making me feel at home and thanks Rod Benson for making me take notice, I hope you play for the Nets soon.

Not Much...EXCEPT THE PENS!!

Well its been a slow couple of days since nothing out of the extraordinary has come down to piss me off lately but on a good note, THE PENGUINS WON THE STANLEY CUP!

For those who don't care for hockey hear this. I too did not care for hockey. Though at one point in my life I did play roller hockey and actually, I did forge a team known as Oriental Express during my high school years. But to be honest, I never really watched hockey. Its not that the game was boring, it was just, something else. Then I came to Pitt.

I believe its the people, the fans, that really make a team. Thats why I believe the Pens are so fortunate. The fans that follow their team are not only loyal but full of energy like the team itself which is made up of many players in their 20s. So for this team of youngsters to come back from the loss of much and win the Stanley Cup is a truly remarkable (and once in a lifetime) sight to see (unlike the dang Magic...but I guess the Lakers deserved it...I guess...).

And on that note:

Dear Pittsburgh Penguins,

Thank you.

A Sourdugh Baguette

So I'm sittin here (the where is inconsequential) readin this really long and boring MCAT book (which honestly requires me to drink at least 2 cups of coffee before I start reading it) and its talkin about carbohydrates and what kind of path it takes inside your body (disgusting path).

So the paragraph starts out with "You purchase a sourdough baguette an tear off a hunk". I mean right of the bat, even before I reached the word hunk which I mean seriously, a. I always thought it was chunk and b. hunk sounds like somethin disgusting like that piece that you took off was infested with Swine Flu or somethin. Anyhoo, baguette?!? I had to check if this "Princeton Review" book was actually from America. I mean seriously, who the hell says baguette. Like who goes to the store and "purchases" and sourdough baguette. I mean I guess if you were going to purchase said item, it would have to be done in a classy sports coat/exquisite shirt combo with maybe a scarf even though its the summer and a one of those hats that hobo artists wear to look sophisticated. Oh and don't forget ze franch acceuntt (yeah that's how they say it in France, I would know cause I saw Rush Hour 3 which let me tell you was seriously the worst movie ever).

The moral of the story is:
Dear MCAT Biology writers,
The sentence should actually read:
"You bought some Wonder Bread and pounded it out in a solid 20 minute span."
Stop trying to be all high and mighty with your sophisticated terms like hunk and tear and get back to the roots.
Thank you.

Law and Order: Legit.

So I've been watchin Law and Order for a couple of years now and let me tell you, they are all amazing. I mean, not just Law and Order, but Law and Order: Criminal Intent and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. I mean some people hate on Law and Order: CI but the thing people need to understand is CI is totally different then the other ones. Actually, to be honest, there all different from each other. Let me explain:

LAW AND ORDER
This one almost always starts out with some being found dead. Then the cops go and try to find the culprit (this takes about 30 mins). Then the rest of the 30 mins is the DAs sendin these punks to jail. The best part about this show is that the good guys don't always win, that the People aren't always on the winning side. I mean yeah I hate it when this happens but eh thats life right?

LAW AND ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT
CI starts with a back story about the killer/victim. Then the rest of the time deals with the detectives hunting down the bad guys, finding clues, trickin bad guys to give themselves up, and just plain being BAMFs. The difference between the regular show and this one is that the deaths in this show are more brutal and no trails.

LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
Like Law and Order, this ones starts out with someone usually being found dead. The rest of the show is filled with detecive work and sendin the bad guys to the cell. The difference between this show and the other shows is that these crimes are all sexual based crimes. Plus this show has Ice-T so yeahh thats already need.

So yeah pretty much:
Dear Dick Wolf,
Thank you.

Advertising: Its That Freakin Shininess!!!

Well I've noticed a very peculiar trend for the past oh lets say 20 years or so. As a consumer, I have found that I'm not really that smart (to be quite honest I'm not really that smart in general but thats another story). I have found that shiny, eye-catching "stuff" gets me ever dang time.

Take for example, Listerine: Total Care. Supposedly its does stuff like somethin somethin enamel and junk. To me, it tastes just like regular Listerine. But, the bottle was shiny so I bought it.

Sensodyne Pronamel was something else I purchased for way more than regular old Sensodyne (yeah I have sensative teeth, screw you). Turns out, it was packaged in one of the coolest boxes I have seen (yeah I kept it, wanna fight about it?)

My point is this. Shiny packages are awesome.
Thank you.

The Hangover

So this weekend I went to see The Hangover and let me tell you, it was damn funny. Before the movie started, my friends and I were hangin out waiting to buy tickets and my bud Randy brought up the fact that the movie seemed a little to similar to Dude, Where's My Car?. And I mean, at the time I believed this true. I mean both movies deal with guys not remembering what they did the night before. Also, both dealt with said guys trying to figure out what the heck happened the night before.

So at this point, I was a little worried. Now lets flash to the end of the movie. Ridonkulus. The movie was not only hilarious, but crazy. It was like Family Guy on acid, thats how crazy that movie was. First off, the characters we're really funny, especially Alan (the fat dude). Not only was Alan a little "cuckoo" but man did he have/do some of the funniest things in the movie.

For those who don't know whwat the movie is about, 4 guys (3 of them being longtime friends) go to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. They have one hell of a night and the next morning they find that their friend who is about to get married has disappeared. In their search to find him before his wedding, they find that what had ensued the night before was pure madness. With random chickens and Mike Tyson, the movie keeps you laughing.

RATING: BEYOND FUNNY

Well, pretty much:
Dear People Who Made This Crazy Funny Movie,
Thank You.

Now Use Twitter To Announce Babies!

It used to be that before, when someone had a kid, you would announce it by traditional means like sending a courier out into the world on horseback and proclaiming to the world that you have once again bore child. As decades passed, things have changed. Heres a list of things people used to use:
Newspaper
Magazine
Telephone
Letter
Flying Plane Smoke Message
Signal Up In The Sky
Email

Now though, its gotten ridiculous. Its gotten to the point where people TWITTER THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE JUST BROUGHT ANOTHER BUNDLE OF JOY INTO THE WORLD!

Really people, I mean okay first, some background:
http://sports.yahoo.com/sc/news?slug=ap-armstrong-son&prov=ap&type=lgns
I mean okay, I guess hes famous, but I thought that even celebrities had a code for this kind of thing like idk callin a newspaper or some crazy famous people junk like that. I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing (and by probably I mean its a known fact...) but cmon, wth.

So yeah:
Dear Tweeters of Twitter,
How low can you go (and I don't mean limbo you cottonheaded ninnymuggins)?

PS I'm still using Twitter and I still don't get it...
Thank you.

Maryland Drivers: Awful

So this morning I was driving to work and as usual, I noticed how utterly awful Maryland drivers. First off, they are all really aggressive but don't have skills to go along with this aggressiveness.

So I bet your wondering what happened this morning. Well I'll tell you. First off, its important to note that this morning it was raining, not super heavy, just drizzling. So I'm driving on the left lane (which I believe should be the fast lane I believe but I guess not for MD drivers) and I saw this van put on his blinker wanting to get into my lane. Well being a gentleman and all, I decided to let him into the lane. It is important to note that I had to drive slower in order to let him in but turns out the dude didn't really want to get in my lane or maybe he did but decided "hey I'll mess with this handsome devil in the sweet Toyota Corolla S and not get into the left lane until he decides he's not going to wait any longer for me". Yeah, wow, freakin a.

Then to make matters better (...) I'm going through this light which had just turned yellow and not one, not two, not three, BUT FOUR CARS TURN RIGHT INTO MY LANE. Seriously, wat the hell, its called watching traffic. Better yet, lets all drive hella (theres that word again, when did I start living in the 90s?!?!) slow just to make it that much better. Wow.

It is also important to remember that this is not just a once in a lifetime occurance. This kind of stuff literally happens EVERY DAY.

So in closing:
Dear Maryland Drivers,
You all suck (I won't even tell them to learn how to drive because they won't so yeah screw that).
Thank you.

My Brute: The Most Pointless Yet Most Addicting Game

So one of my friends showed me this site where you basically make your own dude or dudette and then you just battle. It honestly has no moral depth or plot line or even sweet music but it is very addicting. Basically, I'm tellin you to check it out. You like it, legit, if not, word.

Karty B's Brute

What I'm tryin to say is:
Dear Nikhil,
Props to you bud, I'm hella addicted (who honestly says hella anymore?).
Thank you.

Terminator Salvation

I've been watchin a lot of movies lately and so as this being the case, I went to see Terminator Salvation. The movie was pretty good I guess. No real plot line but I did enjoy listening to Christian Bale speak like Batman. And I mean it had all the necessities of bein a sweet movie like shootin and kick butt action and junk. But seriously, I mean seriously, why the HELL did it have to be so DAMN LOUD!! Literally everything was freakin loud, seriously, if someone pooped in that movie, well, you get what I'm sayin.

It was like BAM BAM SHOOT HELICOPTER TERMINATOR SHOOT MISSLE CRISIS CUBA AWNALD ASIAN BAM COMMON I'M BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

RATING: MEH

Yeah, so basically:
Dear Awnald,
Please use you Govenator skillz to turn down the volume in this movie.
Thank you.

Resident Evil: Extinction

The Resident Evil series first began with its first game hitting the shelves in 1996.
Yet who knew that one movie could destroy this timeless series in one swoop...

Okay so thats an exaggeration (wow really?) but trust me, this movie was awful. I mean I remember seein the second movie and I remember it been okayy but this one dear God why?!?! I mean it had good lookin' girls in it and that Arabian dude from the Mummy but cmon, thats whats holdin this movie together? Well, heres why the movie blew chunks:

A. Zombies looked like that dude from that somethin somethin Elm Street movie which I think is based off a Goosebumps book or maybe not who knows but they looked awful

B. The filming was weird and was really really cheesy, like out of some old chinese kungfu movie, except minus the sweet stunts and karate choppin action

C. [Insert plot line here]

D. Final boss gets cut up with lasers, no real fightin included

E. THEY WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

RATING: GOD AWFUL

So in closing:
Dear Capcom,
Wtf were you thinking?!?!?!
Thank you.

Dragon Ball (Z has been dropped WTF?!?!)

So big news for DBZ fans like myself (everyone else, shove it). The Gods of the DBZ Universe have shined down on US, UK, and Japanese people (since apparently the video game industry cares little about anyone else) and have created 2!!!! (yes it deserves that many exclamation points) new games. Basically this means I'll be shellin out about $100 to get both of them. The low down is as follows (which I amassed by conducting laboring research (Wikipedia...)):

Dragon Ball: Raging Blast
PS3, XBox 360
Supposedly its going to be another freakin Tenkaichi type game (for those who don't understand, the game is basically Street Fighter except with DBZ people and a different camera angle). Seriously, do they have no imagination. I can already see what they game will be like. It will be just like the ones that came before it except now it will have better graphics, one more new playable character, and did I mention the fact that the head honchos in Japan decided "hey, I think we should get rid of the sweet Z that came after Dragon Ball which made the title that much more BAMF like but now sounds stupid (apparently its removed in order to insert the word Kai and due to the new TV show thats coming out which is just basically Dragon Ball Z minus all the stupid filler and powering up for god only knows how long)

Dragon Ball: Revenge of King Piccolo
Wii
I mean so this one looks pretty cool. The game follows the adventures of kid Goku (Dragon Ball series) and I mean thats kinda cool but I think adult Goku is a. more of a BAMF and b. why the hell would I want to fight as a little kid who can't even go Super Saiyin. The game is set up more of a beat em up go where ever you want type game which at least thats better then another regular fighter game.

So yeah basically:
Dear Gods of the DBZ Universe,
Stop making stupid Street Fighter-esque games and make more adventure games except I mean cmon, really? Did you have to make it with 5 year old still not potty trained Goku? I swear if the graphics suck on this Wii game so help me I will slap the hell out of all of you. I'm already pissed about the Z, so don't freakin push it.
Thank you.

Tweeting on Twitter

Idiotic.
Thats the first word that comes to mind when I think of Twitter. For the past couple of weeks now I have been using Twitter to try and see what all the hype is about and to be honest, I dont really get it. I mean theres a couple of things that still boggle my mind about it.

A. You dont actually talk to anyone. All you do is update people about your life which to me seems depressing. I mean honestly, people who look at these updates must be really bored or have no lives to care enough to actually find out what the hell I'm up to.

B. Again, all you do is update people or follow other peoples updates. I am so happy to know that other people are also involved in mundane life events just like I am. Woooo.

C. Its called Twitter and you Tweet on the website...Elmer Fudd, I believe I have a job for you...

So basically, the gist of it is:
Dear Twitter,
The menu for tonight is Twitter and Waffles.
This ones for you Terry.
Thank You.

3D Movies

So the other day I was sitting in the movie theater watching Up! in 3D (by the way, phenomenal movie it almost brought tears to my eyes, that is if I weren't really Jackie Chan in disguise ready to do some kung fu and mispronounce English words which pretty much makes everything funny...) when it hit that all of a sudden, 3D had once again become a hit wonder like infomercials except better and doesnt make you deaf.

I remember back in the good old days with those sweet red and green glasses that you had to where to make everything into Christmasy-3D. Ahh those we're the days. And then BAM, one day it all disappeared. Yet it has now once again reappeared and more high tech. No instead of Christmasvision, you have Stevie Wonder/Ray-Ban vison (actually, did you ever notice how Ray-Ban glasses make you look like your blind, thats weird).

I think the last 3D movie I saw was Superman Returns in 3D where there was like maybe 1 minute of 3Dness when Superman stops the bullets with his eyes (yeah, this was just plain ridonkulus). But now they have and are in the works on movies that are fully 3D. I just hope they dont make awful movies in 3D like that dumb horror movie. I mean really, why waste money on that when you could make a sweet make of Ghostbusters in 3d (HINT HINT, actually on that note, I do believe they are planning to make a Ghostbusters 3, and hopefully Slimer and the Keymaster are back, oh and the StayPuff Marshmellow dude.

So basically:
Dear dude who decided they should start making movies in 3D once again,
Please continue to do so and oh please try to make the glasses like those glasses that Awnold always wears cause they are freakin saweet.
Thank You.

Singing Commercials

So lately, I've noticed that there has been a lot more "singing" commercials like that damn Free Credit Report commercial. My question is, WHY? There all awful and annoying. I mean at first I enjoyed the Free Credit Report commercials. But then it went from awful seafood song, to the ridiculous Renaissance fair. I mean really, can you butcher it anymore!

I think the worst ones are done by Comcast. Its a combination of whining/whispering that I can't stand. I mean, you would think that the fact you can barely hear the song would be a good thing but turns out, it makes it worse.

So basically the gist of it is:
Dear TV people,
STOP MAKE STUPID CRUDDY MUSIC COMMERCIALS THAT ARE AWFUL AND NOT CATCHY.
Thank you.