Not Much...EXCEPT THE PENS!!

Well its been a slow couple of days since nothing out of the extraordinary has come down to piss me off lately but on a good note, THE PENGUINS WON THE STANLEY CUP!

For those who don't care for hockey hear this. I too did not care for hockey. Though at one point in my life I did play roller hockey and actually, I did forge a team known as Oriental Express during my high school years. But to be honest, I never really watched hockey. Its not that the game was boring, it was just, something else. Then I came to Pitt.

I believe its the people, the fans, that really make a team. Thats why I believe the Pens are so fortunate. The fans that follow their team are not only loyal but full of energy like the team itself which is made up of many players in their 20s. So for this team of youngsters to come back from the loss of much and win the Stanley Cup is a truly remarkable (and once in a lifetime) sight to see (unlike the dang Magic...but I guess the Lakers deserved it...I guess...).

And on that note:

Dear Pittsburgh Penguins,

Thank you.

A Sourdugh Baguette

So I'm sittin here (the where is inconsequential) readin this really long and boring MCAT book (which honestly requires me to drink at least 2 cups of coffee before I start reading it) and its talkin about carbohydrates and what kind of path it takes inside your body (disgusting path).

So the paragraph starts out with "You purchase a sourdough baguette an tear off a hunk". I mean right of the bat, even before I reached the word hunk which I mean seriously, a. I always thought it was chunk and b. hunk sounds like somethin disgusting like that piece that you took off was infested with Swine Flu or somethin. Anyhoo, baguette?!? I had to check if this "Princeton Review" book was actually from America. I mean seriously, who the hell says baguette. Like who goes to the store and "purchases" and sourdough baguette. I mean I guess if you were going to purchase said item, it would have to be done in a classy sports coat/exquisite shirt combo with maybe a scarf even though its the summer and a one of those hats that hobo artists wear to look sophisticated. Oh and don't forget ze franch acceuntt (yeah that's how they say it in France, I would know cause I saw Rush Hour 3 which let me tell you was seriously the worst movie ever).

The moral of the story is:
Dear MCAT Biology writers,
The sentence should actually read:
"You bought some Wonder Bread and pounded it out in a solid 20 minute span."
Stop trying to be all high and mighty with your sophisticated terms like hunk and tear and get back to the roots.
Thank you.

Law and Order: Legit.

So I've been watchin Law and Order for a couple of years now and let me tell you, they are all amazing. I mean, not just Law and Order, but Law and Order: Criminal Intent and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. I mean some people hate on Law and Order: CI but the thing people need to understand is CI is totally different then the other ones. Actually, to be honest, there all different from each other. Let me explain:

LAW AND ORDER
This one almost always starts out with some being found dead. Then the cops go and try to find the culprit (this takes about 30 mins). Then the rest of the 30 mins is the DAs sendin these punks to jail. The best part about this show is that the good guys don't always win, that the People aren't always on the winning side. I mean yeah I hate it when this happens but eh thats life right?

LAW AND ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT
CI starts with a back story about the killer/victim. Then the rest of the time deals with the detectives hunting down the bad guys, finding clues, trickin bad guys to give themselves up, and just plain being BAMFs. The difference between the regular show and this one is that the deaths in this show are more brutal and no trails.

LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
Like Law and Order, this ones starts out with someone usually being found dead. The rest of the show is filled with detecive work and sendin the bad guys to the cell. The difference between this show and the other shows is that these crimes are all sexual based crimes. Plus this show has Ice-T so yeahh thats already need.

So yeah pretty much:
Dear Dick Wolf,
Thank you.

Advertising: Its That Freakin Shininess!!!

Well I've noticed a very peculiar trend for the past oh lets say 20 years or so. As a consumer, I have found that I'm not really that smart (to be quite honest I'm not really that smart in general but thats another story). I have found that shiny, eye-catching "stuff" gets me ever dang time.

Take for example, Listerine: Total Care. Supposedly its does stuff like somethin somethin enamel and junk. To me, it tastes just like regular Listerine. But, the bottle was shiny so I bought it.

Sensodyne Pronamel was something else I purchased for way more than regular old Sensodyne (yeah I have sensative teeth, screw you). Turns out, it was packaged in one of the coolest boxes I have seen (yeah I kept it, wanna fight about it?)

My point is this. Shiny packages are awesome.
Thank you.

The Hangover

So this weekend I went to see The Hangover and let me tell you, it was damn funny. Before the movie started, my friends and I were hangin out waiting to buy tickets and my bud Randy brought up the fact that the movie seemed a little to similar to Dude, Where's My Car?. And I mean, at the time I believed this true. I mean both movies deal with guys not remembering what they did the night before. Also, both dealt with said guys trying to figure out what the heck happened the night before.

So at this point, I was a little worried. Now lets flash to the end of the movie. Ridonkulus. The movie was not only hilarious, but crazy. It was like Family Guy on acid, thats how crazy that movie was. First off, the characters we're really funny, especially Alan (the fat dude). Not only was Alan a little "cuckoo" but man did he have/do some of the funniest things in the movie.

For those who don't know whwat the movie is about, 4 guys (3 of them being longtime friends) go to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. They have one hell of a night and the next morning they find that their friend who is about to get married has disappeared. In their search to find him before his wedding, they find that what had ensued the night before was pure madness. With random chickens and Mike Tyson, the movie keeps you laughing.

RATING: BEYOND FUNNY

Well, pretty much:
Dear People Who Made This Crazy Funny Movie,
Thank You.

Now Use Twitter To Announce Babies!

It used to be that before, when someone had a kid, you would announce it by traditional means like sending a courier out into the world on horseback and proclaiming to the world that you have once again bore child. As decades passed, things have changed. Heres a list of things people used to use:
Newspaper
Magazine
Telephone
Letter
Flying Plane Smoke Message
Signal Up In The Sky
Email

Now though, its gotten ridiculous. Its gotten to the point where people TWITTER THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE JUST BROUGHT ANOTHER BUNDLE OF JOY INTO THE WORLD!

Really people, I mean okay first, some background:
http://sports.yahoo.com/sc/news?slug=ap-armstrong-son&prov=ap&type=lgns
I mean okay, I guess hes famous, but I thought that even celebrities had a code for this kind of thing like idk callin a newspaper or some crazy famous people junk like that. I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing (and by probably I mean its a known fact...) but cmon, wth.

So yeah:
Dear Tweeters of Twitter,
How low can you go (and I don't mean limbo you cottonheaded ninnymuggins)?

PS I'm still using Twitter and I still don't get it...
Thank you.

Maryland Drivers: Awful

So this morning I was driving to work and as usual, I noticed how utterly awful Maryland drivers. First off, they are all really aggressive but don't have skills to go along with this aggressiveness.

So I bet your wondering what happened this morning. Well I'll tell you. First off, its important to note that this morning it was raining, not super heavy, just drizzling. So I'm driving on the left lane (which I believe should be the fast lane I believe but I guess not for MD drivers) and I saw this van put on his blinker wanting to get into my lane. Well being a gentleman and all, I decided to let him into the lane. It is important to note that I had to drive slower in order to let him in but turns out the dude didn't really want to get in my lane or maybe he did but decided "hey I'll mess with this handsome devil in the sweet Toyota Corolla S and not get into the left lane until he decides he's not going to wait any longer for me". Yeah, wow, freakin a.

Then to make matters better (...) I'm going through this light which had just turned yellow and not one, not two, not three, BUT FOUR CARS TURN RIGHT INTO MY LANE. Seriously, wat the hell, its called watching traffic. Better yet, lets all drive hella (theres that word again, when did I start living in the 90s?!?!) slow just to make it that much better. Wow.

It is also important to remember that this is not just a once in a lifetime occurance. This kind of stuff literally happens EVERY DAY.

So in closing:
Dear Maryland Drivers,
You all suck (I won't even tell them to learn how to drive because they won't so yeah screw that).
Thank you.